The Week in Tweets - February 9
I spent four hours last night chiseling paint from the windowpanes in the nursery with a razorblade while listening to 90’s hip-hop. Though I greatly enjoyed rapping along with “Stakes is High” by De La Soul, it was still one of the least fun Friday nights I’ve had in a long time. Later on this morning, I’m going to a seminar for expectant parents at Magee Hospital and then a cat show. Though neither of those activities would be my first choice for entertainment, I’m sure that they’ll be a helluva lot more enjoyable than scraping paint. Before I head to Oakland, let’s get through an all-new Week in Tweets!
8) Justine @XTREMELYSERIOUS
“Today my body is less a wonderland and more like a roller coaster in an old, haunted amusement park.”
Today my body is more like the Log Jammer, mainly because I ate way too much cheese last night.
7) Daniel Lindgren @ozzyloomis
“in my next life I want to be a girl. or a ghost. that’s how it works, right?”
I loved the movie Ghostbusters when I was a kid. However, I was always confused by the scene in which a ghost apparently gives Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) a blowjob. Up to that point I had thought that all ghosts were “bad”. Sure, not all are murderous, some just want to eat all of your hotdogs, but nonetheless they’re all a problem. But if there’s an attractive female apparition floating around that likes to “go downtown”, who’s gonna hate on that? My eleven-year-old self would have been totally OK with Gozer taking over the world if it meant some hot ghostbabe would touch my ween. I guess that’s why I never became a Ghostbuster.
6) Vaguely Attractive @RobbieTJay
“I wonder what goes on in the mind of old people when they need to shit but they know they won’t make it.”
My guess is this.
5) billy eichner @billyeichner
“Dear Boy Scouts: You cant reject gay people and then run around the woods wearing matching outfits and sewing little badges to your COSTUME.”
The only place I don’t think gay people should be allowed is in my gym. The reason is that gay guys are always in really great shape and make my already-mediocre physique look even worse by comparison. Hopefully civil unions will be made legal everywhere soon so that they all can get married and let themselves go like the rest of us.
4) Ken Jennings @KenJennings
“Just realized I can’t tell anymore if people are actually goodlooking or if they’re just young.”
They’re just young. And probably gay.
3) Chloë Vicklund @littlemiss_CHLO
“Can’t find my scissors, so I clean my room… And still no scissors. But I did find 3 hot tamales”
Hot Tamales are labeled as a cinnamon candy, but I reviewed their ingredients* and cinnamon is nowhere to be found! This is worst thing to happen to me since I realized that fellating poltergeists weren’t real!
* Mostly corn syrup – big surprise!
2) Sean’s Ramblings @seansramblings
“Is it inappropriate to drink a beer while on a treadmill?”
Of course not! Running and alcohol go great together. I usually fill my CamelBac with Zima when I want to catch a buzz on my long runs. Unless it’s really hot out, then I switch to Michelob Ultra.
1) Caitlin Ritchie @ritchieRich9
“Baby Name Expert” is a job title that actually exists. Gross, America…gross.”
“Baby Name Expert” is not an qualification that I’ll be adding to my resume anytime soon. My wife continues to shoot down my every suggestion. Just last night, I tried to make a case for either Lebron or Dwyane but my wife wanted to hear none of it. I guess she just isn’t a Miami Heat fan…
Time to start getting ready to head into the city. Below is a pic of Rachel sniffing around my wife’s birthday presents. Have a great weekend everybody!
