May 15, 2013 @ 6:09pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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Everyday Noodles - Squirrel Hill Neighborhood

Just about once a month I have to travel northeast from my workplace in Washington, PA to a forensic laboratory in Monroeville for some super-exciting scanning electron microscopy. This voyage involves passage through two of Pittsburgh’s terrible tunnels and regrettably guarantees that I’ll get home much later than normal. To help brighten these days, I always swing by Uncle Sam’s in Squirrel Hill for a belly-busting lunch. 

This plan didn’t seem as palatable on my most recent trip because my pants were already feeling quite tight from a weekend of over-eating and I figured that there was a good chance they would split in two after a turkey breast sub and a pound of French fries. I had just read a review earlier that morning from a fellow food blogger about Everyday Noodles and my interest was piqued enough to try it out. It was extremely hard walking past Uncle Sam’s, but somehow I dug deep and was able to do it…

I arrived at Everyday Noodles a little bit before noon and was promptly seated since the lunch rush hadn’t yet started. The dining space was rather compact, with a row of small table seating opposite the open noodle-doodlin’ kitchen. Interior décor was quite appealing, with warm yellow paint, azure mosaic glass tile and a shimmering silk* panorama serving as the long wall’s focal point. 

I was dining solo, so I eased onto a bench seat against the wall and perused the one-page menu. Though Everyday Noodles is most closely associated with Xiaolongbao (XLB or soup dumplings), I decided to eschew this part of the menu. I knew I couldn’t finish off a basket all by myself (at least not without taking off my pants), and I didn’t think that the leftover soup dumplings would survive an afternoon lying on the floor of my passenger seat without getting indelibly soggy.

I still knew that I had to take something home for my wife to nosh on later that evening so I picked out sustainable-sounding selections from both the dim sum (Pork and Vegetable Potstickers) and dry noodle (thin Dan Dan) categories. Wanting to add some adventure to these somewhat-straightforward choices, I also ordered a bubble tea. I went with the waitress’s suggestion of the milk black tea flavor with red and green jellybeans and it arrived quickly to quench my traffic-induced thirst.

I’ve had bubble tea a couple times over the past few months and found the chewy tapioca balls to be a wonderfully refreshing delight. Alas, I hated this particular concoction. It was just way too sweet and way too milky. It reminded me of the mornings when I’m extremely tired and end up pouring a pint of creamer into my coffee. The jellybeans just added to the drinks super-saccharinity aftertaste and I found it nearly impossible to choke down. The only reason I finished it is ‘cause it cost me nearly five bucks and I just couldn’t throw away that much money…

The cheery waitress soon delivered my steaming food and I pounced on the potstickers first. They were given a quick pan fry on one side that added a delectable, crispy element to the otherwise doughy dumpling. Unfortunately, this frying preparation also caused them to be quite greasy. Un-unfortunately, I love greasy food so I gobbled them up post-haste. The filling was tender, sweet and porky with just a little hint of vegetable. Believe me when I tell you, saving my wife half of that helping of huge dumplings was even harder than walking past Uncle Sam’s…

Dan Dan Noodles** are my go-to at PF Chang’s so I held great hope that Everyday Noodles’ version would be even better due to their authentic esthetic. Though tasty, the sauce was really peanutty and seemed to lack much nuance beyond that. Adding some of the sidecar red chili-oil sauce helped, but never achieved a well-balanced flavor profile. The freshly pulled noodles were also incredibly long, which made eating them with chopsticks a laborious and nearly embarrassing chore since I had to bite off a tangle serving at a time. Other than that slight annoyance, their chewy texture was perfect and I don’t think I’ve ever had a tastier noodle.

Final Call: This bright, friendly establishment combines attentive service and an open showpiece kitchen that allows patrons to watch erudite noodle-pullers do the damn thang. The food was good but seemed a bit staid when compared to the compelling and original atmosphere. My experience was far from disappointing, but it wasn’t mind-blowing either. Regardless, Everyday Noodles is perfect for lunch when you’ve reached your limit on hoagies.

* I have no idea if it was silk or not, but when it really comes down to it…who gives a sh*t?

** I thought that “Dan Dan Noodles” was a clever name that PF Chang’s came up with…sorta like Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion. Turns out it’s actually a regular Szechuan dish that translates into “Hobo Noodles”. The more you know…

May 11, 2013 @ 9:12pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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The Week in Tweets – May 11

No baby yet. At first I thought he was waiting until Iron Man III came out, but we saw that movie last weekend and he still didn’t try to make his way out of the Negative Zone (aka uterus). Along with being anxious, I’m also getting a little annoyed because the longer he waits, the more his birthday is going to encroach on my birthday later this month on the 29th.

Any commemoration for me will now take a major backseat to his extravagant smashcake and bouncy castle-filled celebrations AND I’ll NEVER BE SPECIAL AGAIN….hey….wait a sec…I just realized somethin’…..I can COMBINE our birthday parties into one big one and that way we’ll both be lavished with gifts and attention at the same time. That sounds perfect…as long as I get my own smashcake.

Now let us get onto an all-new in-utero Week in Tweets!

4) KP(okey) @katphished

“Happy air mattress night y’all.”

Two of my wife’s good friends – Karen and Erica – drove in from out-of-town and stayed at our house in March for the baby shower. Karen showed up on Friday and got dibs on the guest bedroom (aka the only other bedroom with a bed in it). 

Erica arrived Saturday morning and was unfortunately left to decide between the couch and an ancient air mattress. Erica choose the air mattress, which my wife purchased a decade ago and probably hasn’t used it since…well…actually, I probably don’t want to know when the last time she used it was because it sure as hell wasn’t with me. 

Anyways, we inflate the thing with an air compressor, hand Erica some spare sheets and a blanket and then hit the hay ourselves. At morning breakfast, I ask Erica how the accommodations were and she said that the air mattress deflated a little but otherwise it was ok. I went up to check it out and discovered that the “mattress” was now nothing more than a polymer pancake. 

I felt instantly horrified and embarrassed. We basically made this poor girl who drove five hours to bring us presents sleep on the floor. The only solace I take from our night of inhumane inhospitality is that Erica has three small kids at home and I’d think that a night away from them, even one spent lying on a deflated piece of rubber, would still be a welcome vacation.

3) sarah @sarahrodeo

“Way too early, everyword RT @everyword: speculum”

It’s still way too early for me to make a speculum joke…

2 – tie) Sub-Zero (@littlemiss_CHLO)

“Omg, Gov Christie lost 40lbs. He basically took a big crap. The man still has a ways to go. It’s not that awesome.”

optimism @heidi420x

“Roommate closed the bathroom door, the toilet seat, and opened the window. Why she didnt spray paint “I took a mean shit” on the wall, idk.”

Angela Baker @Baker7

“Last night I witnessed someone take a dump on the sidewalk of East Carson street, get sited by the cops then get chased with his pants down”

Requisite crap-centric tweets…

1) Do I Look Tan? @AudioOpera

“wii blumpkin”

Worst…game system…ever…

PS – I really hope my wife doesn’t know what a blumpkin is…

Below is a pic of Oscar keepin’ watch for the stork…he’s really excited to be getting a little brother soon!

Have a wonderful weekend everybody 

May 9, 2013 @ 4:50pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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everybody loves…Belgium…Part I

We awoke in the middle of the night and groggily headed to the lobby to await our ride to the airport. Our driver turned out to be the same fellow who ferried our tired bodies into Berlin two days earlier and I again chuckled at his visual likeness to Herc from The Wire. The streets were devoid of traffic so we arrived at Schönefeld Airport with plenty of time to grab a croissant for breakfast at the terminal’s kitschy 60’s inspired diner. The flight was cramped with a multi-mix of ethnicities but I soon learned that tuning out the cacophonous babbling of others is a lot easier when you don’t understand what anyone’s saying. 

My unfamiliarity with the French language quickly went from boon to bust since I was no help whatsoever to my wife as she tried to decipher the schedules at the airport railway station. Fortunately her advance planning and high school French classes proved invaluable and she figured it out without me. After a quick metro ride, our journey was complete and we exited the underground station right in front of our intended destination - the historic Hotel Métropole.

This establishment was one of the first luxury hotels built in the 19th century and I was immediately impressed by its abundance of old style elegance. The lobby and reception area were flush with Corinthian marble columns, stained-glass windows, gilded ceilings and grandiose light fixtures. This Italian Baroque-meets-Belle Epoque architecture splendor was in stark contrast to the modern, minimalist accommodations that we had just left behind and served as a great signal that we were no longer in Deutschland.

After dropping our bags and grabbing a delicious (albeit ungodly expensive) waffle for lunch in the hotel’s café, we ventured out to catch a tour bus and take in the local attractions. First up was The Cathedral of St. Michael and St. Gudula on Treurenberg Hill. This Roman Catholic Church has been around since the 13th century and was adorned with a plethora of gothic statues that all looked like they were mad at me.

Our next stop was Petit Sablon Square, which was also home to many grimacing gothic statues. This lush garden-park’s perimeter was dotted with forty-eight large stone columns and each one was topped with a bronze figurine representing one of the ancient professions – most of which appeared to involve a shovel.

The remaining monarchial highlights included the Belgian Royal Palace, the Cinquantenaire Arch at Jubilee Park Brussels, and the Church of Our Lady of Laeken*. The Royal Palace was quite imposing and reminded me of a cross between Berlin’s Reichstag and Downton Abbey.

The Cinquantenaire ended up not impressing me too much. I attributed this underwhelment to two reasons – A) I had already taken a sh*tload of pictures of neoclassical quadriga–topped triumphal arches in Germany, and B) my enthusiasm was at a nadir due to my lack of sleep and the intermittent freezing rain that pelted us as we rode on the top of the bus. The lone bright spot of the gloomy weather was that the gray sky served as a wonderfully photogenic backdrop for many of the foreboding buildings.

Visiting the Atomium was my personal highlight of all of the attractions we encountered on the tour bus route. Not only was it a super-cool structure of stainless steel-skinned spheres connected by tube-encapsulated escalators, but it was also constructed to represent the body-centered cubic crystal structure of iron. This is of particular significance to me since I’m a metallurgist and understanding the behavior of crystal lattices was a big part of my undergrad curriculum**.

After checking out the Atomium’s art and science exhibitions and enjoying a great view of the city from the top sphere, we decided to indulge in some pommes frites from a parking lot food truck. Though I was initially turned-off by the mound of mayo-slathered French fries, it only took a few bites for me (and my wife) to fall in love with this decadent delicacy. 

The tour bus dropped us off back at home base and we spent the rest of the evening exploring the nearby town centre by foot. The King’s House, Town Hall and splendid Guildhalls at the Grand Place continued Brussels’ unparalleled examples of restored romantic architecture. The surrounding marketplace was packed with numerous attention-grabbing storefronts, including expert chocolatiers, beer purveyors, and leather-friendly S&M sex shops.

All this window-shopping made me quite hungry and we commenced our evening with huge pots of moules marinières at a delightful corner bistro. After completing the region’s gastronomic trifecta***, we headed home to rest up for a trip north to Bruges in the morning.

* This Roman Catholic Church contains the imperial crypt, where such Belgian nobles as King Leopold I, King Leopold II and Jean Claude Van Damme’s career are buried.

** Along with the Dave Matthews Band, 30 packs of Red Dog and clove cigarettes.

*** Waffles, fries and mussels.

Past Links

Travel Prologue

Germany Pt. I

Switzerland

Germany Pt. II

Germany Pt. III

Germany Pt. IV

Germany Pt. V

Germany Pt. VI

Germany Pt. VII

May 4, 2013 @ 12:14pm • Audio Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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Songs of the Week – Shuggie by Foxygen

The California band Foxygen combines indie rock with 60’s psychedelic nostalgia on their splendid sophomore album We Are the 21st Century Ambassadors of Peace & Magic. The album’s first single Shuggie is a wry and whimsical affair that eschews standard time signatures for a more experimental arrangement. It starts out as a wistful love song with a killer synth line, noodling guitar work and fun but wistful lyrics. 

I live in the parlor but I’m down the street
seeking the flowers off the floor and drinking tea

But you don’t love me, that’s news to me

I met your daughter the other day, well that was weird
She had rhinoceros shaped earrings in her ears
But, hey man have a soda, it’s on the house
Remember what I told you about the rooms inside this house

But you don’t love me, that’s news to me
That’s news to me, that’s news to…
I think you and I could be in Iove

As soon as it feels like the song is settling into a routine, the tempo downshifts through a dirge into an anthemic rock refrain complete with backup choir. Foxygen also sneak in a spirited funk break for good measure as the song cycles back and forth. The production was handled by pop-auteur Richard Swift (The Shins) and has a heavily compressed, raw aesthetic that keeps the style twists from being too jarring.

Its unique structure and retro vibe makes Shuggie an infectious pop curio that is highly recommended as an addition to your springtime playlist!

May 3, 2013 @ 5:16pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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The Week in Tweets – May 3

It’s Friday and…..no baby yet. Despite our due date fast approaching, I think that we’ll have to wait at least another week until Lil’ LeBron makes his appearance. I base this intuition solely on the fact that my wife is still getting around great. It’s just hard for me to fathom that she can go from eating chicken shawarma at Aladdin’s one day to pushing out a baby through her hooha the next. I know if I were him, I’d hang out in there at least until Sid’s back on the ice…

Along with being healthy and white*, the only other wish I have for my nearly-here baby is that he doesn’t try to arrive Sunday morning during the Pittsburgh Marathon. The course runs right in front of Magee Hospital so navigating the closures and road blocks to get there during the event would be quite a headache. Oh well, if worst comes to worst and we can’t get there in time, I’ll just pull over and deliver the baby myself in the parking lot of Page Dairy Mart. For my wife’s sake, I hope they serve epidural ice cream…

Enough baby talk, let’s get on to a giant-size Week in Tweets!!!

* Don’t take this as a racist comment, I love black babies**. I only want my baby to be white ‘cause I’m white and if he’s not, my wife has some explaining to do. 

** As far as baby cuteness goes, my rank is as follows: 1) Asian, 2) Black, 3) Panda, 4) White and 5) Pacific Islander.

11) Terra McBride @spicymeatball

“CJ came home with a new Spin Doctors cd & I gave him the side eye. But I’m the fool bc it’s pretty good.”

CJ also apparently came home in a time machine.

10) Heathrow @theHeath_bar

“Cinco de mayo come early: rubbing elbows with the mayor of Mexico City.”

“Rubbing elbows with the mayor of Mexico City” is my new-favorite euphemism for intercourse.

9 - tie) LinzerB @LinzerB

“We may not get a grandchild. But we got a tattoo.” - My Mother”

Swamp Thing @HateyHatington

“Don’t judge me for judging your tattoos.”

My wife and I went to Sam’s Club in Robinson last weekend to load up on bulk items. As we were checking out, I noticed a large gentlemen sitting in the food court who had the Steelers symbol tattooed onto the right hemisphere of his bald head. I quickly passed judgment on him and the verdict was….awesome.

8) c o r s o @WhyofCorso

“Let’s all take a moment of silence to be grateful we don’t look like we did in the 6th grade anymore.”

If I ever get to borrow CJ’s time machine, I’m definitely going back to 1990 and stopping my parents from perming my hair. This borderline-child abuse occurred during the height of hair-band mania, which means that pictures of prepubescent Alex involve a lot of hair, hairspray and Guns n’ Roses t-shirts. Fortunately I wised up by the 7th grade and cut all my hair off, shaved lines into my eyebrows and traded the stonewashed jeans for Hammer pants. #swag

7 – tie) Root Beer @MrNickJC

“Just ate so much Mexican food I shit out a landscaping company.”

Melinda @melwedde

“I simply cannot be trusted around a box of Lucky Charms.”

I once ate so many bowls of Lucky Charms that I sh*t out a leprechaun. #TrueStory

6) Lauren S @yinzersosmart

“When looking for k cups to use in my keurig, i prefer the flavors that are so bold they can strip paint off of walls.”

I only use k-cups that can also double as African-American porn star names. Current faves - Black Silk and Dark Magic. 

5) Ben Hoffman @thebenshow

“More gay guys = more pussy for the rest of us. Why does no one understand this?”

I agree whole-heartedly! If there weren’t gay guys, I never would’ve gotten a women as hot as my wife to marry me. Please give your gay Uncle Mike a “thank you” from me the next time that you see him!

4) Scrumptious @WhosThisHoe

“Adding “and shit” to the end of any sentence makes it sound more gangster and shit.”

Except when your telling people that you’re going to take a shit. Then it just sounds like you have a stutter.

3) Christopher O @ChristopherOhhh

“office talking about our childhood fears. mine was ET. unlimited nightmares. I once freaked out in a fantastic sams because ET was on”

Along with my parents, I hold Fantastic Sam’s responsible for the nightmare-inducing hair styles of my childhood. That butcher shop makes BoRics look like Nick Arrojo…

2 - tie) Amanda Zankel @beepbeepamanda

“Chefs on Chopped can make a 5 star meal in 30 minutes and I’m lucky if I can make ramen noodles in that time. :(“

KP(okey) @katphished

“Fry all the food, you mf-ers.”

Much like Amanda, I could never deliver a finished plate of anything edible in thirty minutes like the Chopped contestants do. If I was ever on that show, I would put half the ingredients in a blender to make a puree, pan fry the other half, and then pick out the coolest serving dishes I could find and really concentrate on the plating. And then I’d stick my wang in the blast chiller…

1) Crappy Advice Dude @Crappy_Advice

“If discovering an old pizza in the freezer qualifies you as a pizza archaeologist, then yes I’m a pizza archaeologist.”

I was previously set on “doctor”, but now I want my son to grow up and be a pizza archaeologist. I wonder if that’s a two- or four-year degree…

At first glance you would think the below pic is of my cat Rachel, but it is in fact another rambunctious tabby that goes by the name Ranger. He is one of my twitter buddy Leslie’s cats, and lives up to his name by displaying mad hunting skills. One of his favorite targets is bunny rabbits, which he likes to catch and then eat. #nomnomnom

Have a wonderful weekend everybody!!

Special shout-out to all the runners participating in the Pittsburgh Marathon this Sunday – especially Sara, Matt and Kourtney!!! 

April 30, 2013 @ 6:39am • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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The Month in Tweets – April 2013

April 2013 is going to be the last month I’m childless. The baby is due next Thursday and from the way he’s been kicking the sh*t out of my wife’s abdomen every night, I think he’s ready to get here sooner rather than later. Either that or he’s really sick of watching House Hunters International every night…

Fortunately, this impending development means that in addition to such important subjects as pizza, HGTV and Target, my tweets will soon also cover poopy diapers, NoseFridas and footie pajamas. Until then, let’s get through this latest episode of the Month in Tweets!

“i only support wars that involve cupcakes…”

“just once i’d like the Property Brothers to find pirate treasure when they bust down a wall instead of asbestos or knob-and-tube wiring…”

“coffee with no creamer is like Puffy with no Biggie…”

“you don’t know regret until you’ve had Pizza Hut buffet…”

“there are few things more disgusting than a used band-aid…”

“FYI - Clarissa did NOT explain it all…”

“i wear lime green lululemon running shorts because i want the world to hate me…”

“i have cat-like remixes…”

“the airport is the only place where you see people in suits AND people in pajamas…”

“John Mayer was right, my body is a wonderland…”

“women are better than men at everything except sports and serial killing…”

“anatomically-correct socks are just one more thing for me to screw up…”

“someone needs to open up a breakfast diner named “The Gym” so i can start going to the gym more often…”

“i wish Giant Eagle gave away fuel perks for having #swag…”

“i accidentally ripped off two sheets from my daily desk calendar so i’m just gonna go home…”

“as i age, i really need to concentrate on finding older and uglier friends to hang out with to keep my self esteem up…”

“FYI - Date Rape by Sublime is NOT a good song to add to a mixtape for a potential girlfriend…”

“i bet Shaq could do some damage at the Old Country Buffet…”

“The DMV on a Saturday morning makes Walmart look like Nordstrom…

“old people hate direct deposit…and other races…”

“using up the toilet paper and not replacing the roll is my silent protest against all of my coworkers…”

“whenever i see “Social Media Expert” listed as someone’s occupation, i assume that means they’re still on their parent’s health insurance…”

“FYI - Nate Berkus is killin’ it in Target…”

“my rental car is under the name “Turd Ferguson”…”

Below is a pic of Rogue, who is the canine companion of my friend Sunny from high school. I’m not sure what breed of dog she is, but she’s certainly part Green Lantern. Have a magnificent May everyone!

April 27, 2013 @ 6:55pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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Tweets of the Week – April 27

I’m whupped. I ran a hard nine-miler through the mean streets of Mount Lebanon today, then followed it up with lunch at Matteo’s in Lawrenceville. Between the run and the pizza and the beer, my energy level is at an absolute minimum. My plan for the rest of the night is to sit on the couch, watch basketball and eat the cupcakes I bought from Dozen for dinner. Good times…

Well, let’s get through a short but sweet Week in Tweets so I can get back to the Clippers/Grizzlies game!

1) chaim ‏@ohaychaim

“my boner is more of a nuisance than anything else, really.”

My boner is more of a pain in the butt than a nuisance… 

Below is a pic of Rachel and Oscar snuggling on the bed. Rachel is not a fan of paparazzi and obviously did not appreciate me taking her photo one bit. I really hope that she doesn’t retaliate by biting my calf the next time I poop…

Have a great weekend everybody!! Go Grizzlies!!!

April 19, 2013 @ 6:49pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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The Week in Tweets – April 20

It now seems like every other week brings us a terrible national tragedy that takes the lives of far too many people. Whereas a year ago my biggest concern was wondering how Melo’ was gonna play with Lin, I now find myself worrying about raising a peaceful child in a world that’s seemingly filled with more violence and craziness than ever. 

But I digress…this site aims to make people smile so I’ll leave the outraged exposition to others. So let us now concentrate on much more lighthearted subject matter such as Caucasian cornrows and peeing in the shower with an all-new Week in Tweets!

8) KAZ @ckaz030

“Oatmeal is a depressing food”

Though quite banal on it’s own, I love oatmeal because I can load it up with sugar, milk, nuts and chocolate to make it taste better while still proclaiming to the world that I’m eating healthy. I call this weight loss plan “Dieting through Deception”…

7) Charlee Monroe @BeingCharlee 

“My husband getting in the shower, knowing I’m about to get in the shower, and taking all my hot water is grounds for divorce, right?”

I have been dealing with some domestic shower drama of my own as of late. Though she has not threatened me with the dissolution of our marriage, my wife has made it quite clear that she is fed up with my penchant for peeing in the shower.

Now, I realize that this routine is far from hygienic, but it is an unconscious bad habit of mine that goes back as long as I can remember. I’ve assured her that I’ve never done it on the occasional instances when we’re in the shower together, but it turns out that she is still strongly opposed to this behavior when I’m solo. I’ve gone almost two weeks now without doing it and my wife has been quite elated with my maturation. At least until she finds out I still occasionally pee in the sink…

6 – tie) Soon2BeCatLady @soon2becatlady

“Legit Question:  After sleeping w/ someone.. Protocol?  Is there a “that was fun” convo you’re supposed to have?”

Chrissy @Cee_Swag

“Don’t say good game after we have sex”

My typical post-coital comment is “Um….well….yeah…well…it’s just….yeah, a little too excited…sorry b’out that…um….yeah…well…I’ll do better next time…I promise”

And then I go pee in the shower…

5) Max Landis @Uptomyknees

“friendporn” - a habit indulged on facebook when you rapidly cycle through a girl’s pictures looking for beach days/halloween/club nights”

Sadly for me, “friendporn” does not exist. The median age of my facebook friends is much closer to thirty-five than to twenty-five. As a result, instead of photo albums chronicling drunken spring break trips to Cancun, they’re now filled with either pictures of kids* or cats**.

* Relationship Status: Married

** Relationship Status: Single

4) four-one-six @CityAndFlair

“Thanks Fed Ex man who hit me in the face with his package. This isn’t an innuendo.”

I tried like heck to come up with a witty retort that combined the “What can Brown do for you?” UPS slogan with the racial stereotype of black guys having big wieners. Disappointingly, I just could not come up with anything that made much sense. Therefore I’ll just write #lol.

3 - tie) Just Bill @WilliamAder

“If you start telling me about something you “heard on NPR,” I will probably strangle you with your cloth grocery bag.”

The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

“I wish Melissa Block would follow me around and quietly narrate everything I do, or Diane Rehm if I need to do something very slowly.”

My new iPhone 5S has an awesome voice memo app that I’ve been using a lot to record reminders for myself during my daily commute. Though this app is extremely helpful, it has unfortunately opened my ears to the fact that I sound like a yinzer David Sedaris. #notlol

2 - tie) Courtney Santo @CourtneySanto

“I think from now on I will where nothing but elastic band pants. You would be surprised how classy some look. #giveitupforelastic”

Root Beer @MrNickJC

“It’s hard to feel good about yourself wearing jeans straight out of the dryer.”

I recently unpacked my summer attire and was unhappy to find that the majority of my shorts are extremely snug. I’m now beginning to think that putting Hershey kisses in my oatmeal may not be such a good idea.

1) Jandalize @Jandalize

“I’m tall, but not WNBA white girl in cornrows tall.”

I think that women with cornrows are hot. Alas, my wife does not share in this adoration. However, I’m pretty hopeful that a few more months of not peeing in the shower will convince her to acquiesce for one night and go along with my Halloween costume idea of us dressing up as Snoop and Omar from The Wire. Wish me luck!

Below is a picture of Radley, the adorable cat of my blogger-buddy Shannon. If Radley could speak, I’m sure he’d say “Have a great weekend everyone!”. 

And then he’d say “I Can Has Cheezburger?”

April 17, 2013 @ 7:15pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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Crust! Cafe and Pizzeria – Mount Lebanon Suburb

My wife loves pizza. If a piece of pizza and I ever found ourselves in a situation in which we both stumbled off of a cliff and my wife only had the strength to pull one of us to safety, my money would be on the pizza. Her favorite pie comes from Pepperoni’s in Bethel Park, which I also love and have glowed about in the past here and here. The only complaint that we have about this adorable family-owned establishment is that it is closed on Sundays. Though I commend Mr. Pepperoni’s desire to give his staff a weekly respite, my wife’s desire for cheesy-carbs never ever takes a day off. Consequently, one of our top priorities after moving to Upper St. Clair this past year was to locate a suitable Sabbath substitute pizza purveyor as quickly as possible. 

After striking out with a few local losers, our hopes were raised when neighborhood friends of ours commented glowingly about Crust! Cafe and Pizzeria. Though the establishment doesn’t deliver, Crust! is located conveniently (for me at least) on Painters Run Road in Mount Lebanon and we headed there on a recent Friday* when our stomach’s were growling for pizza. 

My first bite of pizza revealed a satisfying arrangement of gooey cheese, tangy-sweet tomato sauce and an almost-too greasy bottom crust. Eventually I ate my way to the perimeter and discovered that their namesake crust was indeed a marketable highlight. It was both crispy and chewy, with a slathering of garlic butter and parmigiana cheese. The pizza’s doughy circumference turned out to be the tastiest version of a breadstick I’ve had in years and reminded me of the love affair I had with Little Caesar’s Crazy Bread during my college days. Veni vidi vici pinsa**!

Final Call: Though their name is an affront to proper punctuation usage, Crust!’s crust is so delicious that it does deserve an exclamation point. The rest of their pizza is pretty good as well, albeit a little on the greasy side. I highly recommend stopping by the next time you’re on the way home from Sunday Mass.

* We went there on a Friday instead of a Sunday so that if their food wasn’t any good, we still could stop at Pepperoni’s and grab a replacement pizza.

** This is Latin for “I came, I saw, I conquered pizza”. 

April 13, 2013 @ 12:12pm • Text Post • Tweet this • Share on Facebook

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The Week in Tweets – April 13

I just got home from running an 8-miler through Southside, Oakland, Squirrel Hill and Shadyside with my friend Sara. She’s training for the Pittsburgh Marathon, which I’m unfortunately missing out on for the second consecutive time. I participated three years straight, but last year we moved into our new house the weekend of the marathon and this year’s event comes along right when my wife is due to give birth. First world problems indeed!

Before my calves completely cramp up, let’s get onto an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!!

8) Mike Rafone @Cali_Kid_Mike

“When you think about how bad your job is, remember that somewhere there’s a guy in front of a tax office dressed as the Statue of Liberty.”

Though I commend the enthusiasm displayed by the poor souls who take on this work, I can’t imagine that they’re that effective. I mean, if there’s a spirited mascot outside of a pizza place or donut shop, I may have the inclination to indulge in an impulse treat. However, I’m certainly not going to see the Statue of Liberty and think to myself “You know what, I’m gonna pull over and do my taxes right now”. There’s a reason why you don’t see Schedule C’s next to Kit Kat’s in the checkout aisle…

7) $pencer @13spencer

“I’d probably say that Boyz II Men were the pussiest of the East Coast Family.”

I’d say your forgetting about Sudden Impact, another harmonizing R&B group managed by Michael Bivens back in the Motown Philly-era. I’m basing this opinion on the fact that they’re white and…well…that’s it really. Check out their pic here. They look like a scared group of Olive Garden waiters.

6) lindsey @Lliindseyyy

“There’s a dead spider behind my toilet and I’m scared its going to come back to life and climb up my butthole.”

I wonder what would have happened to Peter Parker if a radioactive spider climbed up his butt instead of biting him on the hand? Would his spider-sense only tingle when he was around Mexican food?

5) CatasTrophy @Ghetto_Trophy

“I wonder who is more constipated, Gwyneth Paltrow or Renee Zellweger.”

Definitely Renee Zellweger. She hasn’t had a decent movement since Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.

4) Ike Barinholtz @ikebarinholtz

“If by “Coachella” you mean “my chiropractor and Bed Bath and Beyond” then yes I am going to Coachella this weekend”

It sounds like I go to Coachella every weekend…

3) Miss Ann Thrope @bacardiangelxxx

“Sometimes when I see someone my age, who I haven’t seen for years, I think ‘by fuck you’ve aged’, then I realise…oh shit!”

Though I may be biased, I personally think I look a lot better than when I was younger. This can be attributed to major life changes – first, I’m sixty pounds lighter than when I graduated college, and second, I stopped getting my haircut at BoRics.

2) Lupe @LupeGSL

“Who came up with the idea of putting medicine up your butt”

I think it was Spiderman…

1) Mike Rafone @Cali_Kid_Mike

“If by “spend some quality time” you mean penis things, then yes I’d like to spend some quality time.”

Unfortunately, I haven’t spent much “quality time” with my wife lately since she’s extremely pregnant and extremely uncomfortable. I’m hopeful that this turns around when the baby arrives, but from what I hear, kids are real cock-blockers. Oh well, at least I’ll still get laid more than the guy dressed as the Statue of Liberty in front of H&R Block…

I’m off to a one year olds birthday party, then quick stops at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond (aka Coachella). Below is a picture of Rachel trying to squirm her way out of a hug. She’s totally against PDA. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!